When your baby isn't a baby anymore...

So several traumatic things happened today.  Okay, maybe not really traumatic but as a mom...traumatic.

Today was the last day of school for baby boy.  He completed his first year of high school.  The super cool thing about my boy?  He aced it.  Not like super-star acing, but for him, he aced it.  School has never been his thing and he's slightly OCD and has a couple of weird issues and we were worried that high school was going to be rough for him. 

But it wasn't.

He finished the year and he finished it well and tonight when we had our celebratory dinner, I cried a little.  He's 15.  He's not a baby anymore and time is going to damn fast.

Then, just when I was coming to grips with that the phone rang. It was the driver's ed instructor calling me to schedule baby boy's time behind the wheel.  I knew this was coming too and yet now that it's on the calendar and it's a reality?  I can't even believe it.  By the end of the month, he's going to be driving.

DRIVING!!!

Older boy was a nightmare when it came to driving.  He didn't want to do it, he fought it, he had anxiety about it.  The first time the driver's ed teacher got him behind the wheel, he refused to leave the parking lot. 

That is so NOT going to be baby boy.  Sigh. 

Part of me is GIDDY at the thought of him driving.  Someone to run errands.  Someone to run to the grocery store when I'm cooking and have forgotten a key ingredient.  And soon...no more carpool line for me.  These things make me happy.

The thought of him needing me less?  That makes me sad. 

Thoughts on Mother's Day

First off, Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. 

Motherhood is exhausting.  I don't think I remember getting that warning years ago when I was pregnant with my first child.  And now, 23 years later, I am honestly and truly exhausted.  It's a full-time job.  You don't get nights and weekends off and there are no holidays.  You work 24/7, 365 days a year.  And here's the most important thing that you need to remember, the job never ends.  You don't get to wake up one day and say "I'm done".

Some people really should remember that.

However, in exchange for this never-ending job, there are many perks.  They start out small - little smiles, a tiny fist wrapped around your finger.  Then you get giggles and sloppy kisses.  You move up to some of the greatest artwork known to man in the form of finger painted hand-prints and macaroni jewelry.

Then you'll go through a downward phase - the "I hate you" and "You're an idiot" phases are not easy.  It's hard dealing with a know-it-all whose life hasn't nearly begun.  They eventually turn it back around and actually want to spend time with you again and - if you're lucky - they will admit that yes, you were right.

Sigh.

The hardest part of it all?  It goes too fast.  One minute you're wishing they were big and in the blink of an eye, they are.  You sometimes long for the days when they were small - holding your hand or just cuddling up beside you.  You miss the homemade cards (they're not nearly as cute coming from a seventeen year old!), the giggles, the innocence.

I am blessed with two amazing sons.  I look at them now - ages 23 and 15 - and can still see the little boys.  They are so different from one another and yet there are times they are exactly the same.  I love their individuality and can embrace their similarities. But more than anything, I am so thankful that I'm their mom. 

And that will never, ever go away.