Thoughts on Mother's Day

First off, Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. 

Motherhood is exhausting.  I don't think I remember getting that warning years ago when I was pregnant with my first child.  And now, 23 years later, I am honestly and truly exhausted.  It's a full-time job.  You don't get nights and weekends off and there are no holidays.  You work 24/7, 365 days a year.  And here's the most important thing that you need to remember, the job never ends.  You don't get to wake up one day and say "I'm done".

Some people really should remember that.

However, in exchange for this never-ending job, there are many perks.  They start out small - little smiles, a tiny fist wrapped around your finger.  Then you get giggles and sloppy kisses.  You move up to some of the greatest artwork known to man in the form of finger painted hand-prints and macaroni jewelry.

Then you'll go through a downward phase - the "I hate you" and "You're an idiot" phases are not easy.  It's hard dealing with a know-it-all whose life hasn't nearly begun.  They eventually turn it back around and actually want to spend time with you again and - if you're lucky - they will admit that yes, you were right.

Sigh.

The hardest part of it all?  It goes too fast.  One minute you're wishing they were big and in the blink of an eye, they are.  You sometimes long for the days when they were small - holding your hand or just cuddling up beside you.  You miss the homemade cards (they're not nearly as cute coming from a seventeen year old!), the giggles, the innocence.

I am blessed with two amazing sons.  I look at them now - ages 23 and 15 - and can still see the little boys.  They are so different from one another and yet there are times they are exactly the same.  I love their individuality and can embrace their similarities. But more than anything, I am so thankful that I'm their mom. 

And that will never, ever go away.

Date Night

I remember how much I used to love to go out on a date.  When my husband and I first met, we'd go out several times a week.  When we were newlyweds, we would try and go out once a week on a date night.  By the time the kids came along, we were lucky if we made it out alone once a month.

Well, the kids are pretty much old enough to be left alone.  Okay, they're 23 and 15.  And the 23 year old doesn't even live at home, so yes, it's safe to say that they are grown and that we should be able to have a grown up night out - or date night - like we did when we were newlyweds.

Yeah, not so much.

Why?  Believe me, it's not MY choice.  Whenever I suggest a date night, my husband looks at me as if I've asked if he'd like to have a root canal or a prostate exam.

It doesn't make me feel good, I can tell you that.

So when the RT Book Reviews magazine came out the other day, I wanted to go out and celebrate.  Nothing big - I just thought that we could go out for dinner and our son was completely on board.  Actually, he approached my husband and suggested it (so I would be spared the look of horror).  Well, the son got the look.  And the excuses - "I'm tired", "I have a headache", blah, blah, blah.  My son came downstairs and said, "Sorry, Mom.  I tried."

Gotta love that boy.

So tonight, we went out.  Furniture shopping.  Not the most exciting thing in the world, but it was just the two of us and we did end up going for a late dinner.  But here's the funny part that shows just how much things change.  In our twenties, we would just be leaving to go out at around 9 p.m., in our forties, we were freaking out that we were eating at a pub at 9 p.m. and there was a band setting up to play!  We were both like, "Oh, no.  Quick!  Get the check!  Get the check!  They're starting to tune up!!"

Sad.  Very sad.  The good thing about it all though?  Is that it made us laugh and even though we don't go out like we used to and our ideas on what is cause for a celebration don't seem to match, we still spend a great deal of time with laughter in our home and deep love for one another.  Neither of us has any idea about what movies are playing or when there's a good concert coming to town, but we're caught up on every episode of "Law and Order" and spend a great deal of time getting decorating ideas while watching HGTV.

Throw in a bowl of ice cream and that's a pretty sweet date night too! 

An Attitude of Gratitude...

Okay, so did you ever plan something, anything really, and you have a lot of high expectations for it?  And then, when it actually happens, it falls really, really, really, REALLY short of what you imagined.  Yeah, that was my vacation.


I could give you all the gory details, but I'll spare you.  Let's just say there was sickness, freezing temperatures, a system failure, rain and marathoners.  Put all that in your Disney vacation and we'll just say that it was less than magical.

My son and I took this trip together and we were very excited about it.  Due to unforeseen circumstances, it wasn't the dream trip we had hoped for.  We spent a lot of time being angry and complaining and at times, just plain miserable.  By the time we got back home, we were both saying "Never again".

But here's the thing:  We got to go on vacation.  Together.  We got to spend time away.  Together.  We had the chance to sit and talk when normally life is just too hectic to allow us to do that.  Not everyone gets to get away.  Not everyone gets the opportunity to sit and talk with their child uninterrupted and hear about what's going on in their lives.  I wish that we had looked at what we had and saw the blessing rather than the disappointments.

Sometimes things are out of our control - and that's a hard pill to swallow when you are someone who likes to be in control.  Can't control the weather, can't control the crowds, can't control when you're going to get sick.  But what you can control is how you react to all those negative things. 

Lesson learned. 
I just wish I had learned it while it was actually going on instead of at the end of the trip when I was driving home from the airport.  I have a great son and it's pretty damn awesome that he wanted to spend time with me.  As a parent, what could be better than that?

Giving Thanks for 2014

New Year's Eve.
It's here already.
Where did the time go??

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm kind of sorry to see the year come to an end.  But rather than being sad about it, I'm thankful.  Thankful for all of the amazing, kind-of amazing and even some not-so-amazing things that happened this year.

1.  We bought our first home!  Yes, this goes in the amazing category.  I originally saw the model home on Mother's Day 2013 and fell in love with it.  It was way out of our league at the time and we never thought we'd be able to buy a brand new home.  But deep down I just knew...this was my home.  We closed on it in April 2014 and every day that we're here, I'm amazed.

2.  I'm being published by Sourcebooks!  You know when you just know that something is right?  That when you meet someone you can just tell that you are destined to work with them?  Well, that happened to me this year.  I'm so excited to be a part of the Sourcebooks family and I'm looking forward to my first book coming out with them.  They've been awesome to work with so far and I'm so thankful for my team there!

3.  My boys.  I have two sons.  They're awesome.  They're also eight years apart.  One is still at home with us while our older son lives three hours away.  We don't get to see him nearly as much as I'd like but when he's home for a weekend, I just can't stop smiling.  They've both had a good year.  Older boy (we'll call him Buddy - as in the Elf) just accepted his dream job.  He's starting at the bottom but has the potential to just fly with this.  He's happy and that makes mom happy.  :)  Younger boy (we'll call him Gamer - because, well...he's a gamer!) got accepted into a video game art and design academy that he worked very hard toward.  I'm just so proud of them both!

4.  Safe travels.  I have traveled more in 2014 than I have in twenty years!!  I'm not adventurous, I don't like crowds and flying makes me nervous.  But I did it and I'm going to be doing a lot more of it!

5.  Readers and Fans.  LOVE.  YOU.  ALL.  I have some amazing readers and fans and I have loved getting to know so many of you.  Please keep reading and supporting the books and hanging out on the Facebook page.  You guys really make me smile!

6.  Health.  We've been pretty healthy this year.  Enough said.  :)

7.  Our puppy.  Well, she's not a puppy anymore but she doesn't seem to know that yet.  She's a sweet pug and her name is Maylene and she exhausts me on a daily basis.  No one warned me that pugs were such a needy breed!!  But I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.  I mean...look at that face!!!

8.  Paint.  Yes, paint.  I cannot believe how the color on the wall can make or break my overall mood.  Everything in the new house was "builder's white" when we moved in.  It was all fine and well until my wonderful husband started to paint.  He has transformed our room into this tranquil retreat.  I refuse to bring my work in there.  It's my place to go and relax.  Then he painted my office this fabulous teal green that you really can't appreciate from the picture but trust me...it's awesome.

9.  Realizing that there are things I can't change and things that I can.  I had a lot of revelations this year and have learned to let a lot of things go.  There are things that I am willing to fight for and things that I've learned that aren't worth the fight.  I'm no longer afraid to stand up for myself and let someone know when they hurt me.  Long may that last.

10.  My husband.  Love this man more and more every day.  He is my hero, my Knight in Shining Armor and I couldn't possibly do what I do without him.  I've been thankful for him for 25 years (married for 23, together in total for 25 years) and I will forever be thankful for him.

What has you thankful?  What did 2014 bring that you are thankful for?